The Joker's denial
by Sweet broken lullaby
Summary: One day, Illumi came to visit Hisoka's place. He went on and rant about how he missed Killua- Hisoka listens and he suddenly finds the need to kiss Illumi. The result is rejection. Hisoka never knew he was capable of hurting. Maybe there was a reason why he never targeted Illumi, because he was afraid of rejection. Eventual HisoIllu. Onesided IlluKill. Multichaptered story. R&R.


Hisoka just finished taking a bath. He was using a towel to wipe his face, when suddenly his door-bell rings.

No one should know my location, Hisoka thought, he was staying in one of his usual five-star hotels. Maybe it's room service? Oh well, or maybe some people was just too eager to die an untimely death- already Hisoka felt excited at the expectation for blood. Quickly wrapping his genitals with the towel at hand, he approached the ringing door, still dripping wet.

He felt more and more expectant when he went to the door, the owner of such a huge nen must be powerful, but it felt so oddly familiar. Hisoka had a bad feeling in him.

When he opened the door, he found Illumi, the expressionless man staring expressionless at him. He tried to remain impassive, noting that Illumi doesn't even seem troubled that Hisoka is under-dressed.

The assassin from the Zoldyck family seemed a bit weird though, as his face seemed slightly flushed. He must be drunk again, Hisoka observed, noting the usual dark garb of the assassin- drinking after work, hm, fashionable. Illumi sauntered inside his room before Hisoka even allows him to go inside. Oh well, Hisoka sighs, the thing he do for his only friend.

Hisoka follows Illumi and Illumi went to sit on the coach. He stared quietly at the dead TV for a while. Hisoka plops himself in the coach beside him.

"So?" Hisoka began, he felt a bit nice even entertaining Illumi- friends are quite high maintenance material, after all.

Illumi looked at him, the dead, huge eyes staring at him, as if slightly perplexed. "Oh, Hisoka?" He seemed as though he just realized Hisoka's presence.

Hisoka was however, unperturbed by this. The last time this had happened, Illumi had said that he found himself walking while thinking, and found himself drawn to Hisoka's place for no reason at all, he knew where Hisoka is just by his nen. Hisoka wonders if he should be flattered by this. But he suppose Illumi, like him, doesn't have many friends, so Hisoka was the only one he got nearest to a friend basis. So, he supposes Illumi is just feeling lonely- or at least that's what he'd like to think, its better than his usual reason.

"Yes, who else." Hisoka said, playing with one his cards, trying to avert his eyes from Illumi's white neck.

Illumi pursed his lips in a perplexed manner. Hisoka wished he won't do that. "I ended up here again." Illumi can actually just say he's lonely, Hisoka thought, that would be a bit more honest.

"Mmhmm." Hisoka said, he was flipping his cards in a quick manner-he felt oddly restless.

Illumi watched his nimble fingers intensely then up to his face. "You're not wearing your make-up today." He remarked observantly. That seemed more worth noting than the fact that Hisoka is naked except for a towel in his torso.

"Oh." Hisoka said, halting his cards and instead picking on one of his red-locks- it was still wet and he still had not finished drying it off because Illumi came. "I just took a bath- the makeup washes off."

Illumi rested his head on Hisoka's shoulder, as if it was nothing and there was nothing to be stressed with the intimacy, not even noting that Hisoka's upper part is truly naked. "I went to the bar today." Hisoka felt the soft strands of Illumi's hair on his shoulder, and wonder what shampoo Illumi uses, because it smells like raspberries. Maybe he shares shampoo with his mother- no one knows when it comes to the Zoldyck family.

"I can see that." Hisoka commented, _I could smell that, _Illumi smelled of alcohol, raspberries and blood. He took a joker- from his card

Illumi ignored his comment. He began to hug his legs, by putting up to the sofa, his head still resting on Hisoka's shoulder. "I miss Kill-"

Hisoka had the urge to roll his eyes, this friend of his- had one of those dangerous sickness, and for a fuck up man like him to say it it must mean something. Illumi has a brother complex- unrequited of course. Hisoka knew all about it, because that's usually what Illumi would tell him- gushing with icky love for how amazing Killua is and what a great heir he would grow to be. Truth be told, Hisoka thinks Killua hates Illumi- everybody dislikes such degree of intense crazy love, but Hisoka suppose he was not one to say.

He have had his blood-lust crushes as well- and Killua combined with his fresher friend Gon did pack up an amazing potential of fire and fighting potential, it makes Hisoka excited just to think of it.

But of course Illumi would quench his excitement by saying, "I wish Killua would miss me as much as I miss him." He looks genuinely sad, at least- as sad as Illumi could appear to be.

It was just sick, even to a sick man like Hisoka, how a man could be that in love with his brother. Hisoka looked at the man for a while, and in a brief spark of pity, or maybe something else- annoyance, he would rationalize, he said, "Give it up."

Illumi raised his head, no longer resting on Hisoka's shoulder, he looked at Hisoka confusedly, "Give what up?"

"That obsession with your brother." Hisoka said, and for the first time, he saw emotions in Illumi's eyes. Sparks dancing in those black pools. Illumi was angry.

"You-" Illumi starts.

"Right." Hisoka cuts. "Ignore me. That was a line I shouldn't have crossed." He was somewhat not in the mood for a verbal fight with Illumi. "I'm going to go sleep." He rose up from the sofa, trying to ignore Illumi's confused eyes.

Illumi holds his wrist, tight. "Hisoka, did something happen?" There was even concern in that soft voice, it makes Hisoka even more angry.

"What do you care." Hisoka did not feel much like humoring the other man. "Maybe instead of going to my place you should go to your dearest brother's place to moon over how much you miss him."

The grip loosened. Illumi looks down- and Hisoka immediately regrets saying it. He didn't want Illumi to stop coming to his place.

"I get it..."

Illumi rose and began to reach to the door. Hisoka stops him by grabbing his shoulder, pulls him close to him and whispered to Illumi. "No, you don't."

Then Hisoka kissed Illumi. The kiss was strong and passionate. The Zoldyck did not resist, but his lips melt together with Hisoka as if both were molten liquid. Hisoka grabbed Illumi's neck possessively, while Illumi's fingers rested on his waist. Hisoka cursed himself in his thought- for such a rash and unplanned action- there he goes, destroying one of the most precarious friendship he ever has- on a hindsight, there was a reason why Hisoka never think of fighting Illumi- because he couldn't risk it.

Illumi is strong- in fact one of those who incite uncontrollable lust with him- but to fight him would mean that one of them would die. And as much as Hisoka hates to admit it, he doesn't want Illumi to die. Call it loneliness, but Illumi is by far the only one he could call a friend.

But sometimes the lust would win over him- like when Illumi sleeps on his bed so vulnerably, or when he talks about how much he loves his brother.

"Hiso-mmph." Illumi's attempt to let go was gone as Hisoka continues to kiss him, devours every corner and spot of the assassin's lips.

Hisoka felt the old bulge in his towel-concealed member. He wanted Illumi- there was no denying it any longer.

He separates their lips and the Illumi's saliva was still in his, and he immediately missed the warmth of their tongues interlocking, just like in a life-and death battle, he thought. But, as if just stricken by an electric shock, Illumi immediately released himself from Hisoka's grasp and simply turn back to reach the door, his face unreadable.

The soft bang was enough to cause Hisoka to fall down his knees, and to steal from him the hardness of his member, now limp just as his mind tries to process what he thought just happened. Illumi just rejected him. Oh, well, it doesn't matter, Hisoka reasoned, it was just Illumi out of his whole sex-list, there's still Gon's butt, or Kuroro's strong arms, or maybe Machi's soft thighs. But he can't help but feel lonely. Rejection from his playthings usually amuses him- it never had hurt in it- because it was a tag and chase. The cat never wanted approval from the mouse it plays with, after all. But Illumi was never a chase material- because Hisoka is afraid of rejection.

A soft, sad smile formed on Hisoka's sardonic face. You always destroy what you want most, eh, he thought, feeling cold on his marbled floor.


End file.
